im so tired these days. i wonder if id tire myself out. haha cos ive been studying, revising like nonstop. love studying suddenly. well tho this is so, hes forever clinging on my mind. cant get him off. sigh anyway meeting adi tmr to pass him a pack of cig. i got from my friend but since not smoking already so might as well give it away. yea meeting miko as well. for a girls day out. wit yuting and suchiang as well. hope im gonna enjoy myself. i miss him! so very badly. well yea, im too tired to post, but the cranes are still accumulating in my drawer. prolly post some other days when im not so tired. oh well, BREAK A LEG! -missing dave dearly.

one last call for alcohol 9:50:00 PM

well, i had a long day in school. had my english prelim oral. went quite smoothly. till like 5. then stayed for another half an hour to support soccer. our class vs dont know what class also. support halfway then left for toapayoh central. davin asked me to go there wit them to sell his 3310. made me waited for like 30mins before he and saleh reached. what the. haha its a tiring day. yea really. and i reached home like uhh 715? yea kinda late. but well what to do. at least i passed this day well. i did my revision at the interchange while waiting for them. tsk, take so long to come. geez. the paper cranes are accumulating in my drawer. sighs, obviously, i do miss him yea. theresa talked to me today. bout maturity. bout relationship. tsk, ive already learnt from my mistake. prince enkil, sigh. just wanna tell you, i seriously miss you so much. hope you get that message thru my sms. i dont dare to sms him so much as well. dont wanna bother him much. hmm. alright, guess i gotta get my revision for today done! off comp for now -missing dave badly-

one last call for alcohol 10:14:00 PM

well i went to buy my books. bought 2 pocket study guide for physics and chemistry individually. hmm and a combined science topical o level guide as well. wow cost me 20 over bucks. woww! im left wit emaths book guide havent buy. hmm. well, i told him how i felt today. bout all sorts of things. i know thats alot of nonsense la. but its really how im feeling. im just telling everything to him. i wonder why. he might prolly thinks that im a bother. but i mean every single thing ive said. hes a happy man wit lots of freedom and hes afraid to lose it. we spent almost so much time wit each other that weve neglected so much of our friends. of cos, now that he has got so much of his friends back, he wouldnt wanna lose it again. same applies to me. but well, im missing him at the same time while enjoying wit my friends. enjoying is one, the missing is another. its kinda like, its something deep in my heart that couldnt be erased off at all. today, madam prema asked, how come we could remember a-z by heart and know how to form words and sentences? becos its all carved and left a deep impression in our hearts since young. she also said, if a thing means alot to you and youve gone thru it such that it leaves you an impression, youll always remember it in your heart till the day you die. thats how the human mind works. well i guess shes right. and while she was talking bout this, i remembered so much things bout us, y'know all the sweet memories. yes shes very right. they all carved a deep mark in my heart. yes, prolly till the day i die. its something important and worth remembering. tSk i miss him, yea so much, so alot. but does he know? i dont think so. well, being happy, single and have lots of freedom. i do know of people in a relationship who can be happy and enjoy lots of freedom as well. when theyre out wit their friends, they do feel free and like theyre single. as in,urgh i dont know how to explain either but well im more matured. im no longer like, hey, my bf must accompany me 24/7 and cannot have time wit his friends. this kinda thinking is very childish and immature. ive learnt from these mistakes that i made. its good to be matured in thinking cos itd help alot in future endeavours. sighh i know i aint any princess. but im waiting for my prince. my prince enkil. im emo, so im saying this: i love him so deeply :< -am still waiting-

one last call for alcohol 10:17:00 PM

sigh. youll never learn to treasure something till its gone. id treasure him when i was wit him. but i didnt know how to handle it well. now that ive know, i think i wont get the chance again. im upset. im heartbroken. im everything related to sadness. i tried hard to pull myself together. seriously id, but to no avail. rubenas was right. sighs actually wanted to go toapayoh to get my revision books but no ones free to go wit me so well, prolly go tmr then. i dont know what i should do. ive already planned out my study schedule wit yuting. will things i study really get into my damn brain? i dont see pleasure in anything. its not the end of the world. its not that i cant live without him but i just have this feeling in me, telling me, go, go get your chance. ive failed so many times. how many times must i ask? wont it be hurting myself further? prelims coming in another 7 weeks. and tmr my prelims english oral. BUCK UP SIMIN! maybe tmr will be a better day, but definitely not today. i miss him so muchh. so damn fucking muchhhh. i didnt drink, not even once after weve broke up. but smoked tho. stopped smoking already also. yea it only bring the terrible feelings in me away for a couple of seconds. sighs i miss him very much.

one last call for alcohol 5:13:00 PM

today is sunday. sunday should be an enjoyable day instead of staying home and rot. well yea im suppose to study but nothing can go inside my head on weekends. well yea i tried several times forcing myself to study but well, no knowledge could enter my lil pea brain. last night, i came home around 11plus and my mom threatened to lock me outta house for one week. then i was thinking where can i go to? prolly terry's house. but i guess he wont allow me to stay there as well, hes a stingy pig. sighh i miss so much. its been like 2 weeks since we broke up. i know hes having lots of fun, but im not cos life just isnt the same no matter how hard ive tried to get it back on track. sometimes i think i can really try to forget bout it but most of the times, i just fucking miss him so much that im going crazy. saturdays i like to go out enjoy but sundays i stay at home and force myself to study. sighh life is so different now. it has already been 2 weeks so i dont think theres any chance of us getting back together again. hes prolly forgotten clean bout me. we sort of less contact of each other and i dont even see him at all even tho we stay so near. maybe hes right, staying too near each other is a big disadvantage. tho its like we can see each other everyday, but whats the point. prolly we should be like terry and adeline. able to cope wit working hours and meeting times. the only thing i hate bout terry is that he lied to adeline bout not smoking anymore. tskk i wanna keep myself very very busy so that i wont have extra time to think bout those things and i wont get upset or the heartaches. i tried looking for part time jobs but most of them wants full time. so im trying to find odd jobs like giving out flyers, to pass time as well as to clear off my debt fast. i should study, study study but why am i thinking bout taking up jobs at this time. sigh i need to clear off my debt. i need to. but yes thats not the only reason. sigh i fucking miss him so damn much. can someone please help me untie the knot in my heart? who could either than him?

one last call for alcohol 10:16:00 AM

its happening again. i woke up wit a knife stabbed into my heart. the feeling. that awful feeling. its back. ITS BACK! :( sigh i was awaken by the sound of thunders at bout 5plus and i smsed him, think hes out on some mission thingy? well he didnt reply. or prolly hes back at home sleeping. well, i dont know. sigh seems like my flu is getting worse. dots but polyclinic only open for half day on saturdays. no time to go there already also. how come the feeling is back? or it has never been gone? sigh i miss him so much :( so much so that i wanna see him but how could i make a stupid request bout seeing him? thatd be too dumb aint it? sighhh im still making those paper cranes. too afraid to put anything into his letterbox already. well yea i drew the fairytale thingy and asked him for comments but he said NOTHING AT ALL and never sms me again. oh yeaa, i had a dream bout us. think we went for some steamboat thingy, we got back together and i was so happy. after that i even went to his house to see that his room is very neat, that was never like him cos he throw things around but well in my dream that is. but its just a dream. sigh JUST A DREAM! i often look at the ferroche flowers, the guitar he made, the jack's face he made, the charsiew fairy and the josie wit the guitar he drew, the icecream sticks that we shared, the peavey sticks that belongs to him, the pig that was given on valentines day, the minimelts spoon, the dried roses, the paper rose that he drew and so many nbc things that we bought together. most importantly, the nbc dvd that he find for me, bought from overseas thru a friend. how could i possibly forget all these? well i guess not. sigh oh yea i remember the jack's face voltive holder. the candle holder which comes in a pair. i gave him one. and i remember i told him that, the candle holder comes in a pair, im giving you one, becos we are a pair as well, we should have one each. he thought i wouldnt bear to part the candle holder then cos it was quite ex. but i never hesitate bout giving it to him even up till now. i wouldnt want it back if he were to gimme back or something. i wouldnt want anything back. i just want HIM. just HIM and nothing else. what should i do to minimise the pain in me? sighh alright, lemme say something bout the pink pig he gave to me. well, it was given on uh valentines day. he scorch taped the butt of the pig cos he cut it open. i thought it was just a simple pig wit nothing but he surprised me wit a ring in the pig. he really surprised me then and i was really really very happy. tho i cant fit into the ring cos its too small, i treasure it very much, i bring it wit me wherever i go. its just like, a treasure to me. now, its still wit me. i wonder bout his. sigh, is he really trying to forget me slowly day by day? i hope not. i pray everyday to keep this feeling intact between us. and i hope there aint any gap between us as well. sighh my heart is so heavy. and so is my head. im gonna explode if i dont let it all out here. no one would know how i feel. cos they just couldnt understand. they just fucking shun me aside and leave me to die wit a bleeding heart. damned. where is my prince? i miss my prince.

one last call for alcohol 11:34:00 AM

i think im so silly. im just so. i wrote something. drew and wrote a fairytale of enkil and charsiew. silly, aint i? well i dont know why! i saw papers so i took them from my friend and drew/wrote those. i guess hes gonna dislike it? nevertheless, i left it in his letterbox. i didnt dare to when i was still drawing it but i decided that i should be brave. hmm. suddenly i remembered that in the past when he used to smoke, he do some dragon sort of thingy wit the smoke in his mouth. now i think bout it, its kinda cute. but sigh, havent seen him for days. dont think he wishes to see me either. miss him, really miss him. hes my prince. im living in a fairytale world. yea i know i shouldnt be but hes just TOO perfect tho he always says hes not good and all but well, to me, hes everything. i guess im the one not good. cos im stubborn. i dont listen to advices which led to all these. see, come to think, its my fault afterall. sigh, all i want is prolly a chance to show that i WILL be a better girlfriend. dont know if the chance will be granted. ive this feeling, im feeling very afraid. my heart is thumping very fast. i wonder why too. gonna nap i guess. hope tmr will be a better day. im drowned in my thoughts again. dave, where areeeee yooouuu?

one last call for alcohol 3:22:00 PM

well yea, currently in school's comp lab. smsed him couple of times but no reply. i guess he needs time to think prolly but well, im sincere bout my question tho. i miss him so much. the sense and sexuality course videos are scary shit. but well, i dont think ive such thoughts like the female lead in the videos. hmms sigh alright, post l8r when i get home at night prolly. bye for now. i loveeeee himm.

one last call for alcohol 8:15:00 AM

im drowned. drowned in my thoughts, my feelings. I JUST MISS HIM SO MUCH! SO VERY MUCH! well, helped him designed a portion of his class grad tee. i dont think its very nice but well, hope he likes it. gave him like uh 6 paper cranes and a paper full of 301103s. everyday i make one crane, so itve been 6 days so theres 6. makes sense? ahh im talking shit. okay well, today's alright. just a lil bored. hope tmr can stay back after school in the art room to do my art. im studious now. aint it good? i told him i miss him and he said okay. :( i really miss him. damn the tears are coming again. NO SIMIN, YOU MUSNT TEAR! hey, know what? every afternoon when i come home after school, i mumble to myself as i walk. im not crazy for christ's sake. im just bored. and i talked to myself bout my past. bout him. cos theres no more player for me to listen to :s so i might as well talk to myself. im not crazy okay. geez. tmr hes going on some mission. some funny but interesting mission wit his friends. hope hes gonna enjoy himself. he surely will, i need not worry bout this. just hope he wont smoke so much, harms the body. sigh well I MISS YOU, DAVE *shouts. -awaiting in silence-

one last call for alcohol 10:17:00 PM

guess tonight is gonna be a terrible night. i dont think ill be able to sleep well. how!? how come i had the similar dream twice? thats too scary. the dream is frightening as well tho its just a dream. heard a song that he composed. NICE~ heh. well at least he has the talent on that while i dont. ive tried so hard actually in the past in composing a song but failed yea. well, no talent, cannot be forced. chatted wit him. at least we could sort of talk to each other now. hes worrying bout my period and asked me to go get tested but well yea i dont think theres a need to la. waste money. thinking bout him now, obviously aint it? hes got headache so went to bed already. hope its not a serious headache. hmm theres no need for me to be worrying bout him cos i know he can take care of himself perfectly well. but im missing him so badly every now and then. hmm wondering if hes working on the 4 pages. dave, where are youuuuuu. im afraid to sleep now. lol cos of the dream i had earlier on. it really freaked me out! okay, now now its just a dream. go to bed and be a sleeping pork. sigh hes on my mind right now! in fact, everynight when im on my bed getting to sleep, everything bout him flashes in. i miss him, just him only. hes always in my heart, not even leaving it a single moment. see how locked it is. well, i love you dave.

one last call for alcohol 10:20:00 PM

feeling kinda emo :s listening to phantom planet - california. suddenly reminded me of the first meal we cooked together. some simple dishes. yea we cooked spaghetti couple of times but that was the first time we cooked rice and some dishes. hmm i remembered he fried the veges and i ate so lil of that. he said lots of times that he loves drinking cambell soup. and yea he never fails to cook it. i used to hate it so much in the past cos of the funny taste it has in it. but got used to it. in fact, grown to like it as well. will i still have the chance to, again? well hmm getting kinda agitated thinking bout the past. i feel the tears are coming. ive been strong these days cos they passed without tears. but i couldnt control myself now. missing him real badly. I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU SO. it was a wonderful meal. just simply wonderful. oh yea, got a cut on my hand, in between my middle finger and the fourth finger. got hit by the chair :s well wasnt serious but yea its an open wound cos very hard to stick the plaster there. i couldnt get him off my mind for a second. no matter what i do, itd still link to him somehow. dave,i.. -california here we come, right back where we started from-

one last call for alcohol 3:32:00 PM

its a very cold morning. i had to switch the heater to max before i could let the water touch me. well, seriously very cold. hmm leaving for school soon. I DREAMT BOUT HIM AGAIN. sighs, missing him again.

one last call for alcohol 6:37:00 AM

how i wish a familiar voice would be right beside my ear when i sleep. well its bedtime so its time to sleep. nights dave. night fairies. ive said. the feeling never leaves me. i still miss him.

one last call for alcohol 10:34:00 PM

well, oral went quite smoothly. hmm kinda missed him in school. when i was waiting for my oral as well. its not just a simple miss. i think its something more than that. indescribable feeling. so strange. he wished me luck. i asked for it. haha thick skin, aint i? well nevermind. nevertheless, ive got his goodluck in mind and i think i can prolly do well. WAY TO GO, SIMIN! WORK ON IT! KEEP IT GOING! im working on my art. at least, consistently. i told my teacher and showed him, hey i drew something and i feel a great sense of satisfaction cos its my drawing and he said, if you could work on this consistently, itll be great. well yea i gonna work on it. i hope hes gonna be there for me. at least when like im fed up wit my work cos loads of work waiting for me to be cleared or so. well its good to have someone there supporting, dont you think so? well bishal told me that he still kinda has feelings for me. but well, ive gotten over that relationship. no more feelings, no more shit. i didnt really have to get over that ruined relationship. in fact, i didnt even dwell on it ever since we broke up. well ive no worries on that at all. i didnt tell him anything. yea i did my art today. pretty much satisfied wit my work. i did a write up on my work as well. got him to print that for me. well have got no choice cos no other friends have got printer, i guess, or so. hmm gonna get it from my letterbox tmr morning cos i think hes gonna put it in there. well, sigh. miss his hugs. its been raining whole day and he used to always be here for me like when 'YOU MAKE ME HAPPY WHEN SKIES ARE GREY'. yea just a line from the song. i miss him. its a strong feeling in me. its just there. never leaves me. gonna do my art. post l8r if theres anything to update on.

one last call for alcohol 8:17:00 PM

well, i'll be having my oral exam later on in the afternoon. hmms wishing myself luck. im must have confident! hmm.. this is my only chance left for my mother tongue to score well. i must speak well! okay uhm, early in the morning and my mind is filled of him. *yawn

one last call for alcohol 6:33:00 AM

sighs. sick again. ive been taking care of myself whats. how come im sick again. dammit. i missed school today, didnt attend it cos i woke up wit a fucking headache and yea my flu aint gone yet. tsk plus im having cough. wtf right. sighs, why is this happening to me? im so bothered. this morning i woke up and decided not to go school cos aint feeling really well then slept til now. i woke wit a bleeding heart again. i want this feeling to stop coming to me. but how can i? i really want this to stop tho i still love him and i miss him very much. i want the terrible feeling to stop. im controlling myself not to have that feeling. but when i wake up, open my eyes, that feeling just come to me. its killing me. seriously, it is. i hope to get well soon. i dont wanna miss another day in school cos its dreadful being at home. right now, my life, is a torture. am i going thru some test? what am i going thru now? will i gain happiness after ive gone thru these? im in the stage of depression now. now, who can cure it? i guess its only him. i miss him.

one last call for alcohol 12:46:00 PM

today went toapayoh to play pool wit davin and saleh. hmms. i lost his mp3player. feeling so downright guilty. many many thoughts, WHY DIDNT I TAKE THE PLAYER IF ITS ON THE TABLE? OR I DID TOOK IT, BUT DROPPED IT SOMEWHERE? WHY AM I SO CARELESS? maybe all these thinkings fucked my brain up and i couldnt think straight so i smsed him and asked him to hurry over. i didnt want him over. but all those thinkings fucked my brain up and so it relates to my hand as well. asked him to hurried over and he came wit uh desmondjoe. given him my player as like to pay him back for the loss of his player. but sighs. thats something he has given me and ive lost it. god is taking everything that belongs to him away from me. why is this so? fuck the guilt in me. its KILLING me. whats bout self control? my minds fucked. im so fucking confused bout whats going on wit my life. could you tell me whats going on? yes, you. tell me. i cried again today. i told davin, that i miss 'him' very much. i just kept repeating this line over and over again to him. guess its time for bed. im very tired running around looking for the player. im all worn out. send an angel from above and tell me what to do next. [hang on there simin, hang on]

one last call for alcohol 11:20:00 PM

well. im very sorry davin, for i aint a good friend in the past. now i guess he hates me. argh every morning i wake up wit nothing in mind but a bleeding heart. i think of what should i do every single now and then but nothing seems to come to mind. i know studying is the most important thing i should be doing right now. my mind could absorb nuts. i tried concentrating damn fucking hard but still nothing could go in. prolly school is what i look forward to. thats the only time i can put my mind into studying tho sometimes my mind wanders. i cant control it. seriously i cant. i tried to. i tried fucking hard. but everything's in vain. my heart is in pain. im losing grip, losing myself completely in no time.

one last call for alcohol 10:49:00 AM

my heart seemed to be pierced right through every morning i wake up. the same feeling occurs again and again everyday. and i mean it, every single day. i wish i can just sleep and dont wake up. so that i dont have to wake up wit a piercing bleeding heart every now and then. im so afraid of losing myself. i dont seem myself anymore. post l8r.

one last call for alcohol 9:36:00 AM

Seems like all my time has been wasted
Anticipating your return
But if I could look back I'd probably just waste it again
For you
But you come and you go
Like the cold wind blows
And you expect me to treat you like a queen
But I have to come clean
This is not how it goes
This is my life it's not your dream anymore

So feel free to let me wander
So feel free cuz i'll go under for u
It's not me but its my problem
So feel free so feel free to feel for me

So many times have I called
So many times you've ignored
Why can't I see the way that you are
But I've seen birds in the trees
Thinking just like me
'Cuz they can't fly away from everything
Like you do

So feel free to let me wander
So feel free cuz i'll go under for u
It's not me but its my problem
So feel free so feel free to feel for me

went to so many places today. watched spiderman2 wit uh yuting, kenneth and suchiang. even when watching movie, thoughts came to my mind as well. why!? im so stressed up by all these thoughts. theyre all fucking my brains up. so after that, strolled around ps. then left for heeren at bout 5plus. hmm went lucky plaza to play pool. i was on the winning streak while playing wit yuting but lost in the end. well, i admit defeat. my mind was prolly somewhere else and i dont really know how to play that well. well yeah, came home, meet up wit terry and went to play basketball down at the new court. lights were shut by the time like uh 1030pm. kinda early. everyday is like becoming worse for me. im just still so upset. dont know how to describe my feelings either. so many feelings and thoughts, mixed up. just like ice kachang, all the beans and jellys mixed up to form a funny taste. and my thoughts and feelings added up, created a mess in my mind. im having mix thoughts right now. well, goodbye for now :(

one last call for alcohol 12:11:00 AM

[02:15:46] if its meant to be, it'll come back you'll see

my heart was broken into hundred millions of pieces last night. i thought there was some hope for us, for our relationship at the least. but no. now i think its completely gone. ive this feeling. like its completely gone. cos he wants to stay away from me until the time is right to be friends. he wants the feeling he has for me to go away. those words were very hurting to me. but when he said that, i didnt cry. prolly my mind was too tired last night to absorb all those as well as to cry. i jolted from my sleep couple of times. and everytime i wake up, i thought of what he said. i think it'll take me days to try calm myself down again. this is just like another big blow to me. he isnt willing to give this relationship another go. i think i was too much a terror in the past and that theres nothing i can do now to save all these. i dont like weekends now. in the past, i always love looking forward to weekends as i can enjoy the weekends out wit him but now? yes ive my friend but they arent always that free for me. even davin doesnt wants to talk to me cos he dont want to keep reminding me of him. i think at this point of life. my life is at the worst state and moreover my exams are coming. sighs i guess the only thing now i can do is to try and try and try my best to concentrate on my studies and spend more time wit my friends. i hope he wont try to forget me. just let it be. i wont force it either. prolly, i'll just wait and i mean it, im gonna wait. dont know how long its gonna take or hes prolly gonna forget bout me but ive no choice but to wait. i hope this all is meant to be. someday, i dont know when, i hope we can start back as friends again. sighs, the more i think, the more i regret what i did in the past. well, its all over now. it isnt easy for me to take this. but i'll try. i wont forget him, neither will i hate him. sighs.

one last call for alcohol 10:11:00 AM

breezy night. went to so many places today. too tired to mention every of them but yea, i went to raffles. then went to the drain like bout 745. stayed there till uhm 930. sighs nvm im too upset and tired to post further. will update on this tmr. :(

one last call for alcohol 9:40:00 PM

hmms prolly leaving for raffles soon but just uhh leave a post here first. well, came back from school. showered and all. damn its a cold day in school. yea its scorching sun out there but i dont know why i felt cold. cos of the flu i had. i took another tablet when i was in class and slept throughout the period of cme. dots. today passed fast, i still miss him so much anyways. im gonna drop an envelope at his place then off to raffles i guess. its kinda early but i'll just walk around there. well yeah. post l8r. -im still yours to take-

one last call for alcohol 2:55:00 PM

he bought panadols for cold relief for me. thanks alot even tho he wouldnt know. sighs. im feeling much better than just now. wanted him to stay to accompany me but he rejected :( well, went down, bought a pizza bread. munched it on the way back. thought bout all the times we went to the confectionery together. just now when he came, he let out a gentle smile. sort of melted my heart, made me felt better. tmr i guess im going to raffles to relax myself as well as do some sketching? im not very sure tho, but i'll be going. will he like pop out there out of a sudden and surprise me? i guess not. i think he still cares. feel like telling him, 'i really love you so much..' but i dont have the courage to. afraid of being turned down again. hope he liked the bread this morning. theres no stars tonight. its breezy out there. to me, its like freezing, without the warmth of his hugs. i didnt see the moon either. wheres the moon. where are the stars. please bless me. bless him as well. miracles, please happen. well, i miss him very much. god, please let him know that i miss him and that... and that.. i love him, so much, so much. YOURE MY DAVENOY, MY ONLY DAVENOY. YOU MAKE ME HAPPY, WHEN SKIES ARE GREY. YOU NEVER KNOW DEAR. HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU. PLEASE DONT TAKE MY DAVENOY AWAY. PLEASE DONT TAKE MY DAVENOY AWAY.

I'm not a perfect person as many things I wish I didn't do. But I continue learning. I never meant to do those things to you. And so I have to say before I go, that I just want you to know.

I've found a reason for me, to change who I used to be. A reason to start over new. And the reason is you.

I'm sorry that I hurt you. It's something I must live with everyday. And all the pain I put you through, I wish that I could take it all away, and be the one who catches all your tears. That's why I need you to hear.

I've found a reason for me, to change who I used to be. A reason to start over new,
and the reason is you.
And the reason is you.
And the reason is you.
And the reason is you.

I'm not a perfect person, I never meant to do those things to you. And so I have to say before I go, that I just want you to know.

I've found a reason for me, to change who I used to be. A reason to start over new. And the reason is you.

I've found a reason to show, a side of me you didn't know. A reason for all that I do, and the reason is you.

yuting says that ive changed too. when im wit bishal and when im wit dave, theres two drastic changes. for the better of cos. thats what she said. maybe a bystander can see more things than me myself. sighs. its coming to bedtime soon. i'll prolly sleep early. everynight, i hope for sms. but it never comes. does he hates me? sighs. alright, im gonna turn in early. cos i aint stubborn anymore and i must take care of myself. i just told him that i miss him. nevertheless, dave, YOURE THE ONE! -still yours to take- i miss him bah. tho i met him just now, i STILL miss him. everynight i lie on my bed, my eyes never failed to turn watery thru many thoughts. i love him. tonight im just gonna sleep wit the windows open. hope to recieve a call from him somehow. be it just one 'good night', at least i can sleep wit my mind eased.

Mr. Parody [I'm all in for the sick parodies, fuck amiright.com for not getting my shit up!] says:
uh k.

:< -charsiewlovesdavenoy

one last call for alcohol 9:19:00 PM

this morning i was alive and kicking. made 2 ham + cheese bread for him in the morning. felt a sense of satisfaction. well i dont know why. now im kinda weak, wit a wet towel on my forehead. had a panadol. hope the fever goes down. its not that high either if not i wouldnt still have the energy to type here yea. my flu, its really killing me since morning. god isnt on my side, cos when i reached school, it started raining. got my flu kinda worse. thats why had this slight fever here. well yea wanted to go down buy flu medicine for myself but i brought my wallet without cash in it. WTF. i asked him for company cos i kinda needed him. i dont know. i wish he can appear by my doorstep. oh my. im thinking too much. oh yea, posted another crane into his letterbox. i guess im feeling better. i still hope for miracles. PLEASE DONT TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME. im a sick cat. i know he still loves me, so, i hope he can come look for me to see how im doing or so. im lonely, no ones here to take care of me. my parents, sigh, they all went out. they dont seem like they bother. :s i miss him. -still yours to take-

one last call for alcohol 5:08:00 PM

chatted wit him for quite long. hmms okay uhm before that i brought my dog for walk. walk everywhere. almost the whole of jooseng. brought her to the drain there. he used to tell me that his dad used to bring their dog there too. well, i thought of most of the things. our first times. lots of them. memories, memories. how i wish hes right here for me to cuddle. well, chatted wit him bout lots of things. he went like,
[21:08:25] I THINK ABOUT YOU
[21:08:27] ALL THE TIME.
i feel happy that hes thinking bout me. in fact, im thinking bout him ALL THE TIME too, but he doesnt know. i want him to know, but how can i? im thinking bout him right this moment. his face. the features on his face. how can i ever forget such a clearcut? well, i had dreams bout him for these couple of nights. isnt any great dreams but my dreams had him in it. am i thinking too much that hes even appearing in my dreams now? i hope for the better. i yearn for him again. im silly. i..truly loves him. hope he liked my sunshine converted, 'davenoy' song. i miss him so much, so damn much. -im still yours to take- i hope for miracle, once again. i wished. upon some shiny stars above me just now while i was strolling down. theyre sparkling beautifully in the sky. so i wished upon them, PLEASE DONT TAKE MY DAVENOY AWAY.

one last call for alcohol 10:53:00 PM

i did a recording. of myself, singing the uhhs sunshine song? in another version tho. i laughed at myself. but record so many times. cos i couldnt control thy emotions. but well ive recorded it and now its in his letterbox. hope he wont puke upon hearing it or throw away the diskette. just now went downstairs to buy a diskette from shakesphere then ive this strong feeling that hes somewhere nearby me and i think he really was. tho i didnt see him. but when i came home he already went out. and that was the time when i was downstairs so prolly my sense was right? maybe bah. im missing him right this second. :s well, studied a lil of my chem. guess ive got the feel of it. -im still yours to take- post l8r again.

one last call for alcohol 6:55:00 PM

another day is gonna pass again. but yet, its still in the daytime. i hope night-time wouldnt come cos im afraid. sighs. day passed quite well. i dropped a tear in class when yuting was talking to me bout dave. well, what to say. i met him in the morning to get couple of plasters for my thumb. had some kinda cut on it :s well, glad to see him. but its just a come and go type of thing now. kinda saddening but hmm everything still moves on. im gonna fold another crane today for every crane means something. its not just a simple paper crane on the outside. theres something more to it. there are words on the inside. deeper meanings into my heart. while i was coming home, i passed by his block. this is something that i never fail to do cos ive to walk that way to get home. well, unknowingly i looked up to see that his room's window grill was shut so yea, obviously hes out somewhere. nada, im not gonna probe wheres hes at and all cos hes on his own. but hes precious. hes a gem. i lost a precious gem. my heart is still in great pain. i yearn for him. post l8r.

one last call for alcohol 4:35:00 PM

i feel that this is a dreadful day of my life. i yearn for him. i still do. i concentrated in school pretty well but thoughts of him flew in and my heart had an indescribable pain. i should be independant. but to be independant doesnt mean i cant have a bf to be by my side at times. theres like no one by my side, 'hey, go to bed now, its getting late.', 'hey, get your homework done quick, dont waste time.' even tho, no one tells me this now, but im determined to do what i should do. i will work hard. i will. i got turned down when i asked him to go wit me on friday night to raffles. i wanna get my butt there to get some drawing and structuring done for my art. hopefully i can see him there. i dont know how, miracle please happen. prolly i just want someone there to accompany me while i draw bah. how can i express my feelings? prolly i could just post it here where no one knows. only me i guess. i just feel so sad. on the phone wit davin now, hes asking me not to cry and all. but tears come. i did tried to stop it. my heart is too painful. i will still go on wit my life. strive for excellence in my studies or at the most try my best to achieve something good. davin has his problems too. problems bout huilin, some girl. well, i feel upset for him as well. but i cant really help him much but i can only just lend him a listening ear. he lent me his, today. sorry davin, for in the past i didnt seriously listen to your probs but you were here for me now. thanks. my mom says im useless but he always says, i shouldnt let those words get into me. i should be braver and go forward. ive friends. since like last time, my friends, there are all distant from me. i dont know why. my close friends are yuting and miko. i can tell them my probs, everything but they cant always be here for me. he loved me and i really did cherish the relationship we used to have. i want to get it back cos it means so much to me. studies is my priority. DAVE, youre not the cause of my failing to study. im bucking up now. as in REALLY bucking up. man, i hope hes on the phone wit me now. haven heard his voice for like so long. its like only 2 days prolly but it seemed so long. man, it seems so longg to me. im dreading this long day. finally its gonna end and tmr will be better or so, i hope. im sobbing, again and again and again. it doesnt help at all. i know you wanna spend time wit your friend, but i couldnt understand. sorry i forsaken this important point. as for your working, id understand so i think theres nothing that should be haunting you bout it. sorry for bringing so much troubles to you. so much worries. i guess its over for you now. its my turn to be worrying bout you. whether youre sleeping well at night, any trouble bothering you and so on. i put aside time to miss you, to think bout you. just mean so much to me. i dread crying. for it makes my eyes sore. it makes it hard to sleep at night as well. its bout time for bed. 1014pm. nights. i hope for miracles.

one last call for alcohol 10:23:00 PM