i feel that this is a dreadful day of my life. i yearn for him. i still do. i concentrated in school pretty well but thoughts of him flew in and my heart had an indescribable pain. i should be independant. but to be independant doesnt mean i cant have a bf to be by my side at times. theres like no one by my side, 'hey, go to bed now, its getting late.', 'hey, get your homework done quick, dont waste time.' even tho, no one tells me this now, but im determined to do what i should do. i will work hard. i will. i got turned down when i asked him to go wit me on friday night to raffles. i wanna get my butt there to get some drawing and structuring done for my art. hopefully i can see him there. i dont know how, miracle please happen. prolly i just want someone there to accompany me while i draw bah. how can i express my feelings? prolly i could just post it here where no one knows. only me i guess. i just feel so sad. on the phone wit davin now, hes asking me not to cry and all. but tears come. i did tried to stop it. my heart is too painful. i will still go on wit my life. strive for excellence in my studies or at the most try my best to achieve something good. davin has his problems too. problems bout huilin, some girl. well, i feel upset for him as well. but i cant really help him much but i can only just lend him a listening ear. he lent me his, today. sorry davin, for in the past i didnt seriously listen to your probs but you were here for me now. thanks. my mom says im useless but he always says, i shouldnt let those words get into me. i should be braver and go forward. ive friends. since like last time, my friends, there are all distant from me. i dont know why. my close friends are yuting and miko. i can tell them my probs, everything but they cant always be here for me. he loved me and i really did cherish the relationship we used to have. i want to get it back cos it means so much to me. studies is my priority. DAVE, youre not the cause of my failing to study. im bucking up now. as in REALLY bucking up. man, i hope hes on the phone wit me now. haven heard his voice for like so long. its like only 2 days prolly but it seemed so long. man, it seems so longg to me. im dreading this long day. finally its gonna end and tmr will be better or so, i hope. im sobbing, again and again and again. it doesnt help at all. i know you wanna spend time wit your friend, but i couldnt understand. sorry i forsaken this important point. as for your working, id understand so i think theres nothing that should be haunting you bout it. sorry for bringing so much troubles to you. so much worries. i guess its over for you now. its my turn to be worrying bout you. whether youre sleeping well at night, any trouble bothering you and so on. i put aside time to miss you, to think bout you. just mean so much to me. i dread crying. for it makes my eyes sore. it makes it hard to sleep at night as well. its bout time for bed. 1014pm. nights. i hope for miracles.
