today went toapayoh to play pool wit davin and saleh. hmms. i lost his mp3player. feeling so downright guilty. many many thoughts, WHY DIDNT I TAKE THE PLAYER IF ITS ON THE TABLE? OR I DID TOOK IT, BUT DROPPED IT SOMEWHERE? WHY AM I SO CARELESS? maybe all these thinkings fucked my brain up and i couldnt think straight so i smsed him and asked him to hurry over. i didnt want him over. but all those thinkings fucked my brain up and so it relates to my hand as well. asked him to hurried over and he came wit uh desmondjoe. given him my player as like to pay him back for the loss of his player. but sighs. thats something he has given me and ive lost it. god is taking everything that belongs to him away from me. why is this so? fuck the guilt in me. its KILLING me. whats bout self control? my minds fucked. im so fucking confused bout whats going on wit my life. could you tell me whats going on? yes, you. tell me. i cried again today. i told davin, that i miss 'him' very much. i just kept repeating this line over and over again to him. guess its time for bed. im very tired running around looking for the player. im all worn out. send an angel from above and tell me what to do next. [hang on there simin, hang on]
