its happening again. i woke up wit a knife stabbed into my heart. the feeling. that awful feeling. its back. ITS BACK! :( sigh i was awaken by the sound of thunders at bout 5plus and i smsed him, think hes out on some mission thingy? well he didnt reply. or prolly hes back at home sleeping. well, i dont know. sigh seems like my flu is getting worse. dots but polyclinic only open for half day on saturdays. no time to go there already also. how come the feeling is back? or it has never been gone? sigh i miss him so much :( so much so that i wanna see him but how could i make a stupid request bout seeing him? thatd be too dumb aint it? sighhh im still making those paper cranes. too afraid to put anything into his letterbox already. well yea i drew the fairytale thingy and asked him for comments but he said NOTHING AT ALL and never sms me again. oh yeaa, i had a dream bout us. think we went for some steamboat thingy, we got back together and i was so happy. after that i even went to his house to see that his room is very neat, that was never like him cos he throw things around but well in my dream that is. but its just a dream. sigh JUST A DREAM! i often look at the ferroche flowers, the guitar he made, the jack's face he made, the charsiew fairy and the josie wit the guitar he drew, the icecream sticks that we shared, the peavey sticks that belongs to him, the pig that was given on valentines day, the minimelts spoon, the dried roses, the paper rose that he drew and so many nbc things that we bought together. most importantly, the nbc dvd that he find for me, bought from overseas thru a friend. how could i possibly forget all these? well i guess not. sigh oh yea i remember the jack's face voltive holder. the candle holder which comes in a pair. i gave him one. and i remember i told him that, the candle holder comes in a pair, im giving you one, becos we are a pair as well, we should have one each. he thought i wouldnt bear to part the candle holder then cos it was quite ex. but i never hesitate bout giving it to him even up till now. i wouldnt want it back if he were to gimme back or something. i wouldnt want anything back. i just want
HIM. just
HIM and nothing else. what should i do to minimise the pain in me? sighh alright, lemme say something bout the pink pig he gave to me. well, it was given on uh valentines day. he scorch taped the butt of the pig cos he cut it open. i thought it was just a simple pig wit nothing but he surprised me wit a ring in the pig. he really surprised me then and i was really really very happy. tho i cant fit into the ring cos its too small, i treasure it very much, i bring it wit me wherever i go. its just like, a
treasure to me. now, its still wit me. i wonder bout his. sigh, is he really trying to forget me slowly day by day? i hope not. i pray everyday to keep this feeling intact between us. and i hope there aint any gap between us as well. sighh my heart is so heavy. and so is my head. im gonna explode if i dont let it all out here. no one would know how i feel. cos they just couldnt understand. they just fucking shun me aside and leave me to die wit a bleeding heart. damned. where is my prince? i miss my prince.
